Today was not a step in the right direction for me.
It started off alright with a typical family Easter. There was a lot of good food, great family time, much-needed wedding planning …. but then it happened…
Someone in my family posted a photo to Facebook that showed me in it from the family occasion. I was sitting in a chair, holding a beer, and looking (dare I say) chubbier than I have ever seen myself (even though I gained 55 lbs. from a thyroid condition 4 years ago and this is not anything new) and bright red from an unwanted sunburn.
I then proceeded to spend the two-hour car ride home with my fiancé in an acute state of depression and googling on my phone how to lose weight, 6 months before a wedding, while being hypothyroid due to not having one anymore (RAI).
Let’s just say, it is not a proud moment for myself and I feel extremely terrible that my fiancé had to listen, try to calm down, and help find solutions to the rotations between crying, getting mad, and feeling hopeless. Thank God for him because he sure does put up with a lot from me.
So overall, let’s just say, this was a no good, very bad day.
Today marks the first day of the path to loving me. As I mentioned previously, I want to tackle all aspects of wellness and attempt to strengthen each part, eventually leading to overall improved happiness. So here’s a preview of what I worked on today…
Physical Wellness: I am currently 187 lbs. and don’t want to necessarily drop that number but just feel more in shape than I currently am by October, which is when I am getting married. I used to be 140 lbs. all through the end of high school and the start of college but I had some thyroid medical problems that resulted in excessive weight gain (which also may have been influenced by some “welcome to college” drinking habits). I decided to begin watching what I am eating and try to get in a habit of working out more so I started out my day with some tea (which takes some getting used to if you’re not a regular tea drinker) and a banana. At about noon, I went to the gym and rode the stationary bike for about 13 minutes then proceeded to lift weights with my upper body. I prefer to lift weights over cardio just simply due to the fact that I feel like I am accomplishing more physically when I lift weights. I downloaded some fitness tracker apps and healthy recipes apps to my phone in an attempt to remind myself about this upcoming journey. Since I am not extremely hungry for lunch I currently am eating carrots and guacamole and I plan on cooking lean beef stuffed peppers for me and my fiancé tonight for dinner. (I’d say this is an overall good start)
Intellectual/Occupational Wellness: For this, I am working towards my ultimate goal of becoming a doctor. I currently have a Bachelors of Science in Biology from the University of Wisconsin – Madison, however, I am not currently using the degree and am instead getting clinical hours by working as a CNA in a local hospital on the Orthopaedic department. I work every other day with the wonderful staff of nurses and doctors that get me more and more excited about my decision to further my education. On my off days, I am usually at the local two-year university taking various classes in an attempt to raise my undergraduate GPA. I graduated with a 2.763 GPA from UW – Madison and I know realistically this isn’t that great of a GPA if you want to get into medical school. The one upside of my GPA is the upward trend I show. My last 60 credits at UW came out to about a 3.2 and since then I have received nothing but a 4.0, however, I know that many schools will automatically reject me on the basis of my overall GPA (Yes, I am a realist and have come to terms with that). So today, I dressed up all professional and got my second opportunity to shadow a fantastic Orthopaedic surgeon in the clinic, and I have to say, he really does a good job at reminding me why I am so passionate about wanting to become a doctor. Specifically, I told him how I was worried about not getting into school and being stuck with a degree I am unsure how to use… his response: “You don’t need that type of mindset. If you decide you want to be a doctor, you will do whatever it takes to get there and ultimately become one.” He then proceeded to tell me about his journey and the different paths it took him. I have to say, this is definitely the best advice I have been given so far and it makes me more optimistic about my future. (And might help me to push through this MCAT studying I am about to partake in…)
My name is Shelly and I’ve decided to start a blog in order to track my progress in what I am calling The Path To Loving Me.
I have found myself in a place where I am not currently happy with myself and I want to change that. I’ve always found comfort in writing so why not incorporate this in my transition into a better state of wellness.
Wellness is something that is subdivided into multiple categories: mental, physical, spiritual, intellectual, social, and occupational. All of which are parts of my life that I feel as though could use some improvement and with positive change in each category, will eventually come a better state of happiness and self love.
Overall, I am hoping to showcase the different parts of my life and how I am working to improve them with the hopes of having insight and encouragement from whoever out there may be listening and ultimately learn to love myself again. I know that my happiness must come from within and I am willing to work as hard as it takes to find that happiness again.